Quit Overhead Squatting Your Christmas Tree

I feel like it’s time for a good rant blog. And in keeping with our current socio-political climate , I’m going to pointlessly berate a small sect of people.

As one does.

Let’s refer to this handy flowchart to arrive at our deserved offenders.

Whenever I see a picture of someone at the bottom of a squat with a Christmas tree above their head, my thought has never been, “whoa, haha, how cool.” It’s been at the very least “OUCH, how the hell did they get their hands all the way in there?!” and usually followed by “…WHYYY?”

Trust me, I’m a CrossFitter, I get it: We make everything about CrossFit. I’ll be the first to admit I probably overshare about CF on social media and word vomit anytime anyone brings up the subject (though I try not to be a bicycling Mennonite prophet about it).

But Christmas trees? Are you kidding me?

See? WTF is this? WHY? He’s not even keeping this tree. Let’s not even get into the awful form.

Trust me, before I decided to rant, because it’s not my nature to rip off a public rant for no reason, I really did try to find the functional fitness in this movement. Because someone had to be the first, right? Someone needed to get the tree overhead, had the strength background to do it, while another person said, “Hey, that looks sick AF, lemme get your picture, bro!” But what situation were our brave Christmas tree OHS pioneers in? A forest with overhead so low and ground so muddy they had to duckwalk the tree out?

Now here are arguments I could see for different tree movements:

  • A push jerk to get it on top of the car
  • A deadlift to get it off the ground after you cut it
  • Any kind of ground-to-shoulder to maybe two-person carry it
  • I will even give you a power snatch if for some reason you HAVE to carry it overhead

But there is no way you need to get O Tannenbaum o’your head while you sit in a full squat with a branch of needles in your face.

Other than for social media fodder.

And you know what? I don’t want to be a dick (My one life rule – a blog post on this to come later), but we can do better than this, fit fam. This trend has gone the way of the Ice Bucket Challenge and planking. Let’s get more creative, or at the very least functional, and put the fit back in Fitmas and get the pine needles out of your sock hat. Go pick up your kid to hang an ornament, farmer’s carry the Christmas dinner groceries from the car or make like Santa and muscle-up your way out of a chimney. 

But for elf’s sake, leave your tree on the ground.

Merry Christmas, weird and all.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *